Christmas The Wizard Way...
by The Pretty One
Summary: A tale of wierdness and humour indeed. Watch the a great character struggle through Christmas shopping...based several years after the end of the series.
1. The Perils of Last Minute Shopping

The Perils of Last Minute Shopping  
  
  
The gaunt faced man with the mangy black hair was none too pleased, judging by his expression. He flinched every time a small child ran screaming past him. But that was not out of the ordinary here. He kept glancing fretful glances all about him, as if expecting someone to jump out at him.   
  
The man stopped before a shop. He pulled out a dog-earned list out of the pocket of the coat he'd bought in a Muggle shop. It was long and black, reaching below his knees. He kept muttering things about it not being long enough, and the confusing money. Despite that he had obviously been born and bred in this country, judging by his accent, he seemed utterly perplexed by paper money.   
  
"Let's see…I'll need…that thing…oh bloody hell…not *this* shop…please let it be a mistake…" He said to himself in a croaky voice. He peered closely at the list again. A look of terror crossed his face, as he seemed to realise that he would indeed have to enter this particular shop.   
  
With a look of resignation on his face, he entered the shop.   
  
  
The man was peering along a shelf, desperately looking for the item that was on the list. He kept on glancing at the list, then at the shelf. He carefully studied each item to see if it was the item he wanted. He seemed to be terrified of the whole process.   
  
The man looked up as he heard a noise over the general noise of the shop. His face took on a look of absolute terror as he saw a herd of screaming, running children of about eight years old, heading straight toward him. With a yelp of terror, he flung himself into the shelf of dolls, as they were about to hit him.   
  
With muttered curses toward all things small, childlike, and making lots of noises, the man was helped to his feet by a shop assistant in the blue shirt of shop floor workers. He removed a child's doll from his head as he muttered his thanks to the female shop assistant.   
  
"No worries, sir. They startle you?" He nodded, rubbing his throat absently.   
  
"Yeah…always have had a bit of a fear of small screaming kids…" He croaked back.   
  
"Ah, no worries, as I said. You been in the wars, or something?" The man nodded absently, thankful most of the wounds that'd been inflicted on him were not visible…thankful to he who made the potion…the one he'd almost killed with a prank in his school days.   
  
"You could say that…"   
  
"Say…didn't I see you somewhere before? On the telly or something?" He blinked in confusion, before realising what she meant. It was one of the things his kind didn't use, for they had something far superior to it.   
  
"Uh…dunno." He had a feeling he knew what it was related to. That time ten years ago when…  
  
"Ah, probably imagining things. You gonna buy that?" She pointed to the doll that was absently hanging from his hand.   
  
"Uh…yes. Yes, I will." He said more to stop her thinking about where she'd seen him before.   
  
"Then come to the counter and pay for it, old man."   
  
//Old man? Well, I suppose I am old compared to her and most of the staff here…//  
  
They reached the counter, and the man took out several fresh looking notes. He looked at them for a while, trying to figure out which ones to use. After a while, he hesitantly offered one of the red ones.   
  
"That's a twenty, sir. You need a ten." The woman behind the counter said in the voice most people use when they think they're talking to someone who isn't right in the head. The man then gave the correct note, and was given his change and his purchase in bag. He then left the shop. Upon leaving the shop, he leant against a wall and muttered,  
  
"Remind me to tell him not to have another child…" He looked around, and then decided he'd take another big step again. He'd use that Muggle device his godson was always going on about…what was it called again?   
  
"Ah yes, a telethone. I'll use it. Can't be that hard, can it?" With a slight smile on his lips as he thought of doing something that couldn't be that hard to use, he walked off to find one of these things.   
  
  
  
He was now standing in one of the telethone 'boxes' as they were called. He'd finally got someone to point one of them out to him, after the first few people he'd asked had just given him funny looks.   
  
He looked at the coins in his hand. Which one did he need to use? He'd use a couple of those gold ones. That'd make it work, wouldn't it? With any luck, it would. He put several of the gold coins in, just to be sure. Then he pulled out a piece of paper out of one of his pockets. He looked at the number on it. He carefully dialled the number, checking the number every other digit. Finally he finished dialling the number, and the phone started to ring. After several rings, the phone was answered.   
  
"Hello?" A male voice said to the backdrop of a child screaming and a woman yelling abuse at the man on the phone. The man's face broke into a broad grin as he pictured the scene. It was quite a shocking change from the extremely serious and focussed expression he was wearing bare moments before.   
  
"Hello, Harry." There was an exclamation of surprise from the other end of the line, before Harry continued talking.   
  
"Sirius! You're actually using a telephone!" Harry laughed, and Sirius could not help but chuckling. He found it quite amazing that he was using something like this.   
  
"Yes I am. After all, if I can go into a Muggle shop and buy something for-"  
  
"No way! Didn't have any problems there? I mean, the money and stuff."   
  
"Just a bit."  
  
Harry was about to say more, but then the woman's voice came across stridently. And very loudly too.   
  
"HARRY! STOP YAPPING AND CATCH YOUR DAUGHTER!"   
  
Sirius flinched, nearly dropping the phone receiver. But luckily he held onto it, for Harry was quickly saying into it.   
  
"Listen, got to go, daughter on the loose, and if I don't help Cho'll be-"  
  
"HARRY!"  
  
"Uh, one moment! Bye Sirius. See you tomorrow, yes?"  
  
"Yes, you'll see me then. Bye Harry." The phone went dead, and Sirius contemplated how to get to the house in time for tomorrow.   
  
Then several coins fell into a little tray in the telethone machine. Sirius stared wide-eyed at the coins. He hadn't been expecting *that*. 


	2. Unexpected Jobs and Unpredictable Childr...

Unexpected Jobs and Unpredictable Children  
  
  
There was a loud barking noise outside the house, which resulted in a child starting to cry. A woman yelled for someone to take care of the baby. The door was opened, and a woman dressed in green robes opened the door to see a huge black dog there, sitting on the doorstep, with several bags hanging from its mouth. Its fur was messy, and it looked as if it could rip anyone to shreds in moments. But it was sitting calmly on its haunches, as if waiting to be let in. The sound of a child wailing could still be heard. The woman seemed confused by the presence of the dog, which tilted its head as if in question.   
  
"Uh…" the woman said.  
  
The dog dropped the bags to the floor, and then seemed to raise its eyebrow at her. But that couldn't be right-dogs didn't have eyebrows. The woman didn't seem to understand. The dog gave a doggy sigh, and then trotted behind one of the many bushes that were growing in the garden.   
  
A moment later, Sirius Black, imprisoned in Azkaban for nearly twelve years, god father to Harry Potter, and the one who had tracked down several infamous Death Eaters, stepped out from behind the bush.   
  
The woman stared wide-eyed.   
  
Sirius walked back to the doorstep, picked up the bags, absently spat out a piece of plastic from his mouth, and then asked in his croaky voice,  
  
"Can I come in Cho?"   
  
"Uh, yeah, sure, why not." Cho was obviously shocked at the sudden appearance of Sirius Black, a man mostly known for the supposed murders of a dozen people. Despite the fact that he had been cleared of all charges some years back, he was still well known for it.   
  
"Good. How's Harry? And Charlotte?" He asked, a slight smile coming to his face.   
  
"Oh…they're, they're fine." Just at that point the baby started crying again. Sirius managed to get past Cho, and into the next room, through a wooden door. The room he was in had many moving pictures, often repeating of the same few people, who were often darting from picture frame to picture frame. All kinds of instruments and amusing devices adorned the shelves, from both of the parallel worlds that shared the same planet. In the middle of it all was a man, about twenty-three, with pale skin and carefully combed blonde, almost white, hair. He wore serious black robes, and he was holding a small bundle of pink blankets as if it were a cursed cauldron. Sirius frowned slightly at his appearance here, but then, he was one of the godfather's of the child, believe it or not. He looked up sharply as he heard the door open.   
  
"Someone-help-take it-please." He said quickly, through slightly gritted teeth. He quickly passed it to Cho, when he saw her come in. She took the crying child away from him with a less than approving look, saying,  
  
"You know, Draco, you could have left him in the hand's of Ron. He must be a better at your job than you, if you can't handle a child." Draco started to protest, looking indicant, but then Sirius laughed. He laughed for some time, getting an angry and confused look from Draco, and a be-quiet-you'll-wake-up-the-baby look from Cho.  
  
"That's the best joke I've heard in years! An Auror that couldn't handle a baby!" Sirius laughed even more, dropping the bags on the floor.   
  
"Well, I don't see *you* being an Auror." Draco said sullenly.   
  
Sirius laughed some more.   
  
  
Sirius nearly had the life choked out of him when a huge arm loomed out of seemingly nowhere, and man handle him into a one armed hug. As he desperately tried to fend off the giant arm, a deep, booming voice said,  
  
"Sirius! Good to see yer!"   
  
"H-hagrid!" Sirius choked out, trying desperately to figure a way out of Hagrid's strong grasp.   
  
"Come to see Harry's kid? Don't blame yer. Seen 'er yet?" Sirius nodded, pointing at his neck, which had been clamped down tightly by Hagrid's bulky arm. Hagrid seemed to have realised that he should let go, and he did so.   
  
"Sorry, Sirius. Forget me own strength, a' times." Sirius nodded, rubbing his sore neck. Hagrid then continued talking, and the two talked for a while, about things of no real importance. Eventually they were talking about Harry's daughter, Charlotte.   
  
"I only got a glimpse of her. Draco was trying to stop her crying." Sirius said with a chuckle. Hagrid laughed as well, saying,  
  
"I'd hate to imagine Draco as a father. He'd fail miserably, I'm sure. But then, you'd never'd think I was good around children, would ya?" A grin split across his bearded face. "Ah, I seen so many of them kids growing up, having children…and it seems like only yesterday I was taking Harry to his Aunt's and Uncle's, to be looked after, or so I thought." There was no hint of anger at the Dursley's treatment of Harry for over ten years. "And with him at Hogwarts…leaving there…some of them even became teachers in their own rights, y'know. You'll never believe who some of our new teachers are, Sirius." Hew as about to elaborate more, when there was a 'pop', a slight cloud of smoke, and someone had appeared next to them.   
  
"Hermione!" Hagrid said, beaming. "Or, should I say, Professor Granger?" Hermione smiled slightly, and laughed lightly. Evidently she got this sort of treatment from those who knew her a lot.   
  
"Only to my students, Hagrid. You should know that, after all." Hagrid just laughed, and was about to say more, when there was another 'pop' as someone else Apparated next to the trio. It was Cho, holding the baby. She looked at all three of them, and thrust the baby at Sirius.   
  
"Take her, quick. Let's hope she'll be quiet with you…tried our residents Aurors, you'd think that they could deal with a baby, but *no* they ran a mile, the pair of them. Right, off now." She Disapparated with a 'pop', and Sirius was left holding the baby.   
  
He blinked several times, and looked inside the blankets. He found a pair of green eyes looking at him intently. It made him feel uneasy. But just then, the other two wanted to get a better look at the baby.   
  
But for some reason, Sirius didn't want to let go of the baby. 


	3. Losing Your Godchild's Only Child is Usu...

Losing Your Godchild's Only Child is Usually a Bad Idea  
  
  
  
  
  
Sirius was back in the house now, for it had started snowing, and he was pretty sure they weren't meant to be out in such cold weather, so he'd taken her inside the house. The others had dispersed, and were either making the final preparations for the Christmas dinner, or trying to avoid those very same preparations.   
  
Sirius was taking the baby upstairs, partially to get her away from the chaos downstairs, and partly for him to get out of the way of the noise. Either way, they were up there, and Sirius was using the opportunity to walk around the house, and to talk to someone who wouldn't always jump at the mere sight of him, and who seemed to be listening intently to his every word. It brought back memories of when he did the same with Harry, before James and Lily had been murdered. He repressed a momentary shiver of terror at the thought of what had happened that night, of how he'd found the house ruined, the bodies of James and Lily, and Harry, alive amongst all the carnage.   
  
Sirius was snapped out of revive when he almost walked into Ron and Draco, who jumped away from the sight of the baby. They pointed at the child, and were about to scream, when Sirius growled,  
  
"Be quiet! Don't want her crying, do you?" The two paused mid sentence, and then turned to look at each other. Both wore expressions of fear. Suddenly Ron said,  
  
"She'll make noise anyway!"  
  
"Or make a mess!"  
  
"Or we'll make a mistake!"  
  
"And Harry will come after us, and he's bloody scary when that happens!"  
  
"Worse, *Cho* will come after us!" The expressions of fear were exchanged for expressions of terror.   
  
"Listen, you two, calm down will you? I'm-"   
  
The two Aurors began talking again, faster and faster, and louder and louder.   
  
Sirius sighed. You'd think that if they could face off trolls, vampires, werewolves, and Death Eaters, they could deal with a child. But it appears that wasn't so.   
  
"Worse than that one Death Eater who had half a dozen trolls with him, and we had to take them all out!"   
  
"You're lying Ron, that wasn't so bad, compared to that vampire who had those-"  
  
"Oh yeah? One of those trolls half tore off my leg!"  
  
"Yeah, while I had taken out half of them?"   
  
"Oh really?" Ron had taken his wand out.   
  
"Yeah!" Draco had taken his wand out.   
  
The two locked eyes, neither daring to blink.   
  
Sirius coughed, attracting puzzled stares from the pair of them.   
  
"Please, continue outside. I'm not going to stop you, but at least don't wake up the baby." The two looked at each other, shrugged, and Apparated out of there.   
  
Sirius sighed in relief. At least now he could get some peace, and Charlotte, too.  
  
Hang on…where was she?   
  
  
  
  
  
"Here baby, come here…Sirius has a…uh…thing, for you, yes he does." Sirius whimpered as he imagined what would happen if Cho found out he'd lost her daughter. He was certain her mercies wouldn't be tender. The thought of it made him even more determined to find the baby.  
  
"Come here Charlotte…come on, before Sirius gets castrated by your mommy…" Sirius winced at the thought, and tried to put it out of his mind. Strangely enough, he couldn't get that idea out of his head.   
  
Sirius was just about to lift up the carpet to see if, somehow, the baby had got under the floor, when he heard a baby-like gurgle. Sirius tried to run toward the source of the sound, but it was only after he bashed his head off the floor did he realise that he was still crouched down.   
  
Getting up, Sirius made his way quickly to where he heard the baby-like sound. He came across a door, which he opened hurriedly. He dashed inside the room, noting the double bed that obviously meant that this was Harry and Cho's bedroom. Sirius ignored this fact, and looked around for the baby. He heard another baby-like gurgle, and he turned round to see baby Charlotte.   
  
Sitting in a pile of clothes.  
  
A pile of clothes, it must be said, that seemed to have an awful lot of buckles and straps.   
  
And they were made of leather.   
  
But baby Charlotte was sitting in them.   
  
Some were made of PVC, though.   
  
Playing with one of the straps, gurgling happily.   
  
Hang on, why do they need so many buckles and straps? Sirius thought. They can't possibly…hang on, yes they could.   
  
So that's what they got up to.  
  
Well.  
  
This was an interesting development.  
  
But not as important as looking after the baby.  
  
Which he should be doing.  
  
Right now.  
  
Go on then, look after the baby!   
  
"Sirius!" Cho's voice carried up the stairs.   
  
"Uh, yes?" Sirius said as he grabbed the baby. Look after baby, stay intact, was his maxim right now.   
  
"Stop messing around up there with Charlotte, and come on down, NOW!"   
  
"Okay, I'm coming, I'm coming!" Sirius said as he hurried down the stairs, with baby Charlotte pulling at his hair, causing comments of 'ow-ow-ow-ow' from Sirius.   
  
But at least he wouldn't be hurt even worse by Cho.   
  
Thank god for small favours, eh? 


End file.
